I spent a whole week of vacation in City Guzman, a little town outside of Guadalajara where my mother is from. I basically went to visit Family and Fabe Dogg tagged along. We actually were suppossed to make a day trip over to Vallarta and Guadalajara but we didnt make it do to the incredible time we were having in the October Senor San Jose Fiestas in Guzman. This Fiesta is known through out Jalisco as being a month full of Chariadas, Concerts of Mexican Singers, Rodeo's and just an all out month to drink it up. I thought for awhile that we might not have the greatest of times, but I should have known better Fabe Dogg and I together is like Rum&Coke, PB& J, Itchy and Scratchy, Mike and Scottie, Bush and Cheney, Mike Vick and his pits[||]. Actually Fabe Dogg at the airport on the way home in a deep introspective thought he shared to me "I thought after a week of being with you non-stop eating, sleeping and partying together, I would be sick of you but honestly I can do this with you right now for a whole nother month, you're my brotha from anotha" I replied in my Homophobic way "No Homo but ya Me too homie".
Our flight took off early Thursday morning. I was amped actually the night before Fabe his Girlfriend and I went over to Uno's to have a few parting drinks with the Homies, cuz my boy JoJo was leaving back to the PR and I hadnt seen him while I was in town. We caught the redeye and I got to sleep, Fabian Not so much. Dude is too damn friendly at times, I got the window and Fabe sat in the middle. As soon as we sit down the dude in the aisle seat says something about being nervous and he rarely flies. I was like fuck that, put in my earphones and dozed off. Fabian though started talking to him and I have no clue why and Fabe the next morning was like dude talked too much and was moving around talking about needing his medication. Anyways we land safely and My cousin picks us up. We get to my grandma's and we contemplated getting a telly but My grandparents stay alone in a decent sized house, so we decided to stay there until situation dictated otherwise. Plus Grandma wanted us to stay, she likes company and cooking for people. We were rarely if ever home enough to go to sleep take a shower and change and maybe eat breakfast. Well as soon as we get to grandma's we take a shower and leave to the Strip Club. At the strip club we have a few beers and two strippers probably recognizing we werent from there, immediately pushed up on us. Fabian starts spitting Pimp game to one, on some you should strip in Tijuana and make that Guap tip. I on the other hand felt a slight connection(no every stripper connects with the common fool) and she asks if I have Nextel and I tell her yes, well she then tells me Sunday is her only day off and if I wanted to hang out with her, so I tell her sure and to give me a call on Sunday. I didnt think much of it, so Fabe and I decided it was time to leave and go home and get ready for the nights festivities, which entailed bar hopping with my cousin. We left the place slightly inebriated and like Fabe would go on to say many a time during the week when something was said in reply to anything "I aint mad at that". For instance I would say "Yo Fabe we dropped about 500 Pesos in there on just Beer" Fabe would reply "I aint mad at that, We only live Twice". We get to Grandma's and as I was taking a shower, I guess Fabe Dogg falls asleep. My cousin comes to pick us up and its like 9pm and I cant wake Fabe up. So we just left him, all I could think at the time was first night and this dude is already out.
My cousin his wife and I get to the Street Scene/Fiestas. Basically its just a big fucking open space with Bars with a Fair Next Door and a Rodeo Ring. We meet up with some of my cousins friend in this VIP type section and they're drinking that Yak. I was like WTF and ordered a bottle of Tequila, cuz thats how I rock. Next thing you know I was fucking bent, My cousin went on to tell me that I was hollering at any bitch who smiled my way. He also said that a Photographer from the local newspaper who was covering the event came to our area and asked if he could take my picture. I dont recall this but my cousin said that I said yes and in turn when he took the picture I flipped him off. (he said if it came out in the paper he would email it to me, since the paper only comes out once a week). At this point I dont remember ish from that night and I just remember waking up in the bed feeling horrible and Fabe Dogg talking up a storm with my Grandma at 8 in the focking morning.
I finally wake up do to Fabe's constant bitching about me sleeping too much. We head out to eat Mariscos and drink a few beers, at this point we just pace ourselves cuz like Fabe put it "I aint trying to put up good numbers on one night, I need to be a consistent force and put up big numbers every night, like the Greats". We get some Tickets for the Banda Recodo concert that night, who besides good music, they attract the bitches. Sure enough that night there was many a Viejas. Later on Fabe and I did some very intricate evaluations and came to the conclusion that it was a 4 to 1 woman to man ratio up in that place. I and Fabe soon were on the prowl and hollering at every chick who glanced our way. Truth be told we probably looked hella different Fabe had this thin Hoodie shirt on and put on the hood and I was wearing a Kangol in a sea of Cowboy hats(come later in the week a girl said hi to me and said she remembered me from the concert because of my Kangol). We post up by a Beer Stand and I get to dancing with a few girls, getting numbers and names. Honestly though life is a little bit different in my moms hometown, girls want to get to know you go out on dates be boyfriend and girlfriend. So in our quest to get pussy we ended up with way more possible girlfriends than chicks that were "ready". I would venture in a month you can probably run through some chicks, but in a week the task is slighlty more difficult. Even then we were more about having a good time and relaxing than anything else. That night I basically got hammered and danced with random chicks. Fabe on the other hand didnt dance and just collected numbers. We ended up leaving around 3am and the band was still playing, but being that I was so hammered and dudes were already looking to beef with me, for no focking reason. Fabe and I decided to call it a night and bounced.
Next day we decided to head to the downtown Guzman, which basically looked like a swapmeet in the middle of a town that has like four Catholic Churches sorrounding a park in the middle of town, downtown has a lot of old buildings and a nice feel to it. Around the Park are a bunch of stands with Food and Games. The streets are blocked off and people are walking around drinking and partying it up and its only 2pm or so. We were passing the time, because that night I was meeting up with My cousin Jesus's Aunt on his side of the family. Who so happened to have two Nieces for the Fabe and I. One of the Nieces lives in Diego and her and I have always been cordial but never on intimate level or anything, but I always thought I could get her, no conciet. Fabe on the other hand had a slight run-in(no boning) with the other niece a few years before when we made the trek to Guzman for my sisters Quince. So we figured we both couldnt lose on this outing. That night we meet up with Jesus's Aunt and her Nieces plus a couple of other cousins, everybody looking ready to drinky drank. We get a table in this bar/club that has a live band playing order a bottle of tequila and a couple rounds of beers and go to work. I could see Fabe going to work immediately and I lay low but flirt a little with the other cousin, lets call her Alli. Anyways the night goes on we keep drinking dancing and I ask Alli if she wants to go check out some of the other places with me and she says yes. So we walk around talk and she mentions why I never hollered. I explain we had different circumstances and nothing ever quite fit but luckily we found each other at that time in a whole nother country while not even looking, (the serendipity I thought to myself while I ran a little game). There was a slight drizzle and so I played romantic and walked her to another place playing slow music and danced with her for like half an hour. While doing so some chicks from the concert came by and said hello. We stopped dancing and decided to go back since everybody else was still at our table and probably wondering where we were since we had bounced for about an hour or so. On the walk over to the place in the drizzle I grabbed her and pulled her close to give her a kiss, ya I romance like that it doesnt come natural like my funny, I had to practice at paying attention to a girls demeanor but I am pretty good now(I probably put a good ten years of knowledge on my knowing chicks resume just by being with the ex-wifey for four years because I was in constant read mode with her quirky and very emotional personality). We get back(no Little Brother) and everybody quickly starts bagging on us about where and what we were doing. We just laugh it off and continue to drink and have a good time. Fabe Dogg had everybody rolling doing all kinds of dumb dances, pelvic thrusting doing his impression of Joakim Noak and Harlem Shaking[||], keep in mind they have no clue what those dances are. Finally around 4am or so they kick us out, but we head downtown where they were singing Las Mananitas with banda for Senor San Jose. Everybody gets out of the truck we were rolling in except Fabe and his chick they stayed back. Everybody else follows the Banda who were playing music with all kinds of people singing and following them around drinking Ponche Caliente laced with Tequila(good ish I might add).
I decide to tell Alli that we should go to the Monument in the middle of the Park and stand over there. We go over there starting kissing and groping whatever, she said something to me and I was like "ya that right there isnt the cellphone" right after she said "you wanna get a taxi and leave" I was like "sure". So we bounce without announcing ish, Taxi stops at her Grandmas Crib and I tell to wait for a few minutes, while I walked her to the door and figured out the next step. At the door she tells me I could stay and that the "house is big" and even if I woke up in the living room it didnt matter cuz everybody already knows "your Maria's son". I get to kissing and groping again but decide that I should leave, basically since I know she lives in Diego I knew I didnt have to force anything. I jump in the Taxi and head back downtown and its about 530 ish, I see Fabe walking with a big ass smile and wierd stain on his Brown Polo shirt, I am like wtf and he was like "Ill tell you in a little bit, I only live twice". I see Jesus's Aunt and right away she is asking if I smashed it, keep in mind this lady is like 50 and my moms Co-d but she just doesnt give a fuck(my mom told me that five years ago she almost died and she has been living it up ever since, Yes John Legend), I just ignored her and got in the car. Jesus's little cousin was like in spanish "Ya'll know I drive better drunk, right", I just thought I have heard that shit before. They dropped us off and Fabe had a dumb smile on his face and was like "I got some head, no bluetooth but it was good and I bust in a minute on my shirt I aint mad at that, success" "I think I am going to frame and retire that shirt, Cum doesnt come off right?" I look at him and say "I am going to bed your disgusting and keep that shit away from me". He replies "you know even though we are having a good time, something is still missing like a Jesus, 3 is greater than 2 and he would pump us up to do dumb shit since he is practically married now. Tomorrow I am going to find us a wingman with something different to add to us so we can get more bitches" I say "Fuck Fabe just go to sleep" He says "you get any pussy" I say "Nah but I probably could've" he says "ya I could see it in her face she was feeling you" I say "Ok mothafucka' its 6am time to go to bed".
Sure enough we wake up the next day around noon feeling like something terrible, but Fabe Dogg still grinning and shit talking about "I am going to find someone to roll with us". My cousin calls and tells us if we want to go to this nice little restaurant called the Chamizal, to drink some beers. We roll with him around 1 and as soon as I walk in the Hostess her of the Caramel complexsion light eyes and with the nicest booty ever, looks right into my eyes, I felt this immediate connection(yes Cupid) she smiles, I smile just like that. She seats us but apparently my cousin and Fabe Dogg didnt notice the flirting.
Anyways the Convo goes like this for a few hours with My cousin just looking at us and dying of laughter and shaking his head.
Fabe Dogg said he found a wingman earlier "Yo this dude was midget but with the little kid face like Milonkis and he was making ballon animals, that dude is rolling with us tonight, he is a special talent", I say "I saw a buff Lesbian chick with short hair, Maybe she should also roll with us we need a bodyguard" Fabe says "Hey what about that dude with the Big Nose from the other day he seemed cool and his nose has character, he is rolling with us" I say "I thought we were only going to find one replacement for Jesus". Fabe Says "We could never replace Jesus with just one Wingman, Jesus's qualities as a drinker/instigator/good samaritan/motivator are unmatched he is like the Phil Jackson of Wingman, He puts the Zen on us to do some really magical shit" I say "Speaking of Magical what about that dude downtown who was doing those tricks with that little Skeleton, He Probably knows Santeria Maybe he should roll with us" Fabe "I aint mad at that, How about those chubby twins that were like 10 wearing the same clothes killing their ice cream, that we saw downtown, Those little fuckers were incredible they should roll with us but eating ice cream cones at all times, at all times" I say "ya most def they should roll with us, them little twins had swag" Fabe bursts out laughing "Fuck ya they had stupid swag, did you see them when they ate their ice creams, One licked then the other licked, I bet if one fucks the other will feel it" I say "Fabe dogg they were like 10 homie, they dont fuck, atleast I dont think so" Fabe Dogg says " Who Knows they might fuck, life over here is different and I am pretty sure when I was 10 if pussy had presented itself I would have fucked, I did watch my first porn at 7, so I knew where I had to put my thing" I say "Pause Pause(laughing), ya when you admitted to throwing up after watching it" Fabe Says " I threw up at first but I kept watching cuz I liked it, I preservered and came out on top that porn helped mold me into who I am" I dying " ok ok what about a Monkey, we should get a Monkey to roll with us, every woman likes a little monkey" Fabe Doggs Says " ok but he has to masturbate on command then he could roll with us" .......The whole "rolling with us" Continues the whole rest of the trip with a ridiculous amount of quotables I wish I had recorded.
During the intellectual convo and pounding beers the whole time I catch the Hostess glimpsing and smiling. I was like fuck this, I am going to talk to her. My cousin stopped me, he said they would chew her ass out if I went over there and hollered. He told me to wait to see if she would get off soon and then follow her out and talk to her. Sure enough an hour later and feeling lovely I might add, I see her grab her purse and head for the door. I play dumb follow her out and outside I holler, something like this.
Me: "Hey Excuse Me"
Girl slightly shook: "yes"
Me: "Hi My Name is ___ and I couldnt help but notice you smiling at me, whats your name"
Girl: "Cindy, Ya I was being Friendly"
Me: "Cindy Nice to meet you (shake her hand) so you smile like that to everyone?"
Girl: "No(smiles)"
Me: "Well would you like to hang tonight or tomorrow if you aint busy, I am only town a few more days"
Girl: " I dont know you and thats not how we really do things down here"
Me: "Well are you going out to the Bars Tonight?, I could get meet you there and maybe get to know you a little or do you have a man?"
Girl: "No I dont have a man, Ya I am going to be at the Bars Tonight, look for me"
Me: "Ok cool, Do you have a cellphone?"
Girl: "no"
Me: "well then I will be looking for you and nice to meet you Cindy"
Girl: "Ya look for me and nice meeting you too, by the way you have nice eyes"
I go back into to the restaurant, slightly disappointed but still feeling my swag for going outside to holler at the chick. My cousin and Fabe are dying after I tell them the exchange. My Cousin tells me that the girls response is probably the usual from most chicks from the town. He goes on to tell us that dating boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are still pretty much the norm in the town and Not no meet and greet 5 hours later skeet skeet, that we tend to be used to; that Ho exists you just have to look for her he told us. We ended up leaving like at 7 after being there for like 5 hours eating/but basically just drinking non-stop. My cousin drops us off and tells us to take a nap cuz it was going to be a long night. I start thinking that I might not be cut from the cloth of legendary drinkers or Greats that Fabe was talking about. We get home and crash.
To Be Continued....................
