Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Runaway love, Nah this chick is just nuts......

Story as told to Fuxie...........names were withdrawn to protect identities and relationships etc.

" Yo so its Sunday night and I was at the pizzeria with the homies, nothing Majah. I get home put on some basketball shorts throw on the TV. Well around 1am I get up to go get some Juice. I hear some noises coming from the garage and I look in and its this psycho bitch I had been fucking. I am like, 'how the fuck did you get in' she was like ' I told you I needed to speak to you so I followed you home I was going to surprise you' I was like ' what the fuck is wrong with you, you need to get the fuck out before I call the cops or some shit' she said 'I dont have anywhere to go' I said ' Go to the Homie B's house he wont have a problem with it'. I closed the door and made sure she got in her car and bounced. Anyways I wake up the next morning and call the Homie B and he says ya sure enough she showed up...."

Ed Note: so the Homie B was also in attendence and now this is his part of the story.......

"so my roommate wakes me saying some chick is sneaking around the backyard, I look at her and its the Homie A's jumpoff so I open the door and let her in. I ask her what she wanted 'she was like can I talk to you' I say 'sure you mind if I smoke an L while you talk to me' I light up my blunt and two minutes in her hand is on my dick. I am 'you wanna go to my room' she said 'yes' and we go to my room. within in minutes I am straight smashing the ish out of this chick (ed note: she is mad midgety) but when I look at her face she has no emotion like I am banging a hooker and since she isnt giving anything back it takes me 40 minutes of smashing to come. Anyways as soon as I am done I play dumb and show her a text that my girlfriend is coming so she could get the fuck out. She gets scared and leaves to, I dont know where"

Ed Note: Homie C comes into the picture and tells his part of the story......

"So that same morning I wake up around 7am but I have no clue what happened the night before and go outside the crib and I notice a wierd car in the street. I walk up to it and I see a body in the back and it was the homie A's Jumpoff. I knock on the window as her what she is doing and she said she didnt have a place to go. So I ask her if she wants to sleep in my room and she says sure. So we go to my room and lay down, I try to cuddle her and get something to pop. Anyways she says she is tired so I go back to bed.I wake her ass up around 10am and tell her to bounce, havent really talked to her since....."

Ed Note: Homie D tells his part of the story.........

"so the chick calls me that night asking if she can crash at my place, I say sure on the couch. Sure enough she comes over and lays on my couch. I tried to fondle her tits but nothing popped(Ed. Note: word is he really smashed but doesnt want to say) , the next morning she left and I havent talked to her since"

Ed Note Final Note: All in all this chick is pyscho and its only a matter of time before we hear something worse happening to her. I myself wouldnt touch the chick but I know a few of the crew who are probably going to run a train on her and good for them is what I say. I hope you enjoyed and Cien!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

a few things on my mind!

I go all day like the clock on the wall! I am really going to try and give a horrible performance on this post and I am going to blame it on the liquor, Ecstasy and my waxed eyebrows. Britney needs to sit her hoe ass down and make sure she is wearing panties cuz the last thing I need to see is all that hang time on her monkey again as well as horrible singing/dancing. Don't get me wrong I like hoe to make fools of themselves but what TI over at MTV co-signed this bag to open up the show. Anyways Nicole and Lil Wayne(the best rapper alive, no hyperbole) killed the pre-show in my opinion. As far as the rest of the show I just fast forwarded and dozed off, I pretty much just picked my boogers and farted not really paying close attention to even come up with a fair synopsis. I am pretty secure in saying that it probably sucked and I didn't miss anything.

Mos Def went on in on Bill Maher, there is 4 parts to this and go ahead and watch. I don't think Mos intends to be funny all the time but every time I watch dude on one of these talk shows, I find myself laughing hysterically. I dont think that is always Mos's intention but he does always have a sense of sarcasm when he makes valid points. I remember watching Italian Job and Mos meets Skinny Pete(Gawtti from Boo-Ya Tribe) and Mos cant look at dude in his eyes, that scene was one of the funniest bits in a movie I have ever seen(I tried hard to find the clip on the net and this is all I found) and when I became a believer in Mos Def's thespian skills. Anyways back to the Maher and I know I am not the most educated dude but geez Cornel West has lost me completely, I saw him give a speech a few years back and I totally understood what the hell he was saying then but now not so much. Dude starts making a point about something and mid-way I will start thinking about titties or Dos XX (his blood smells like cologne -see the most interesting guy in the world -; I wonder what his breath smells like [||]) and then Cornel will finish his point and I am sitting there with a blank stare like WTF just happened to my mind too much Harvard/Ivy League speak for me to decipher I guess, Fuck it back to the Titties and Dos XX thoughts.

Trick Daddy got arrested for disorderly intoxication in a Strip club. Nah really, Trick seems to me like the type of guy who acts very gentlemanly in any kind of setting including the Strip Club, Nann Nigga(c) Trick Daddy. By the Way on the I'm So Hood track, Trick killed that ish thoroughly and the beat fits him; it should have just been him on the whole track with T-Pain on the hook no need for Ricky Ross and Plies. WTF is a Plies sounds like a new kitchen appliance to me. i.e. "I just got that new plies and it makes great margaritas"

All the ladies in the house say HO! No Need to say that but I want my writing to feel like I am today; which is super hyphy. Get my pool in the back of Course. Its going to be hot this winter on some so cold its hot type shit sort of like dry ice. Get my popsicle in my hand [||], no super fudge bar. I have always wanted to go into 31 Flavors(Havent seen one of those in a minute) try all the flavors and leave without buying an Ice Cream because they didnt have my favorite flavor which is RomPope; Ya'll Latinos know what I am talking about; Damn TostiLocos eating Mofo's.

So my homies said they saw the ex-wifey of many years out at the club with her new man. Big Shout out to him and good luck seriously, also that dent on the right side of the bed is from you know who.

I treated this past sunday like the real Super bowl, so saturday night I played it real chill and didnt go out so I could be up bright and early. I watched most of the games at a bar with my homies and then we headed to my aunts to barbeque and watch the Chargers. I actually was pretty happy with the Charger game, they showed that they were able to win without LT being on point. Ugly wins are always good. Big Up Randy Moss who looked like he was stuck in '99 mode and just killed the JETS. I hate the Patriots but they are going to be serious this season. In my opinion the Championship is goin to come down to the Chargers, Colts and Patriots nobody else looks to be in that class.

Speaking of Sports wtf is up with the Knicks and Zeke. Yo I am not a lawyer by any means but this chick Browne-Sanders is saying a whole lot of shit before this sexual harrasment claim has even went to trial, why not just settle it. The chick is saying Zeke would call her a ho or F'ing Bitch and told her to send some Knickerbocker Dance chicks to the referee locker room to flirt with the referees before games. With the Donaghy ish hitting the fan, does the NBA really need anymore negative press. Well whatever, Zeke's seems like a pretty gully dude but his game with this chick was weak. Allegedly he played HORSE with her at a charity event and after he beat her Zeke said "I think I am falling in love with you" wtf is that, I dont make this stuff up. I just pass it on. Where is Harold Reynolds when we need him.

*Walmart intercom*
"Paging all sexual harassers, Report to the dance floor immediately"

No Bernard Hopkins being called "Soapy"

Okay one question for Usher, Why Get Married? Dude you are young and famous, is it necessary to get married let alone to some old chick with kids. Why not just move in with her and keep it moving.

Go Pick up the Kanye and Curtis on GP. Plus that new Good Life Video is the truth. Is Kanye just act like a little bitch to be funny. Because some of his little shenanigans are straight up Homo. I guess I dont really care for Kanye the person but he makes dope music. Its like Barry Bonds, dude is probably not the most desirable person to be around but he is a great ball player. In the end thats all that matters to me when I am trying to get my entertainment on. Word to Mike Vick

Yo PETA, I killed a mouse the other day with a shovel, lil suma'bitch was eating an avocado in the garage. So I had to ether him up, call me the Gravedigga word to the Pick the Sickle and the Shovel. Runaway Ralph dont want it with Fux, Noooooooo!

Catch ya'll next week, call it a date. Cien!

ps this his been up at for a week, dont forget to visit my other spot on the web.

Monday, September 17, 2007

A year of going on in[||] and I am still here!

I just hit the one year mark with my blog. I honestly feel pretty good about it. I have slowed down but I havent quit. So I wanted to take this time and thank some people. I want to list all the people that influenced me or had my back during this past year. I am going to try and do it like a Cd when you open up the book and see the Artist thanking anyone and everyone for holding them down during the creative process. So check my rundown, If I didnt name you by name please dont get offended as I am doing this over a two day process just to try and make sure I name as many people as I can. Anybody who has come across my life this past year in all forms email,chat,e-family whatever; I am thanking all you to.
First and Foremost I want to thank the GOD and whatnot. My Parents-Moms for putting up with all my ish and still playing a dule roll of mother and grandmother. BaBa- we dont talk that often but I know you're holding me down. My Sister- you are growing up before my eyes and it can be hard for me to understand that maybe you are not a little girl anymore, now shut your mouth. My Daughter- who is my everything and I am tough on you but its because I love you. The Ex-Wifey Beezy-I love you and I understand I wasnt the man for you, I am glad we can be cordial and amicable.My whole Family Tias' Uncles- people that have a great deal of influence on my sense of humor.To all my Cousins, specifically- Jesus, Thongs and Tony- I have many a more cousins but you guys are the ones I grew up with and roll with. Nora,Lety,Cynthia,Diana, Amanda yall girls are the homies and keep my day rolling with emails, thanks. My Whole Crew the Hooligans, Fabe Dogg- my Co-d and brotha from anotha mothafucka' you make me laugh with your countless strories about the opposite sex, Mexico next month My Nukka. Omar-whats good my brotha, you influence me too, you're a funny mothafucka'. Aharon- Compadre what more can I say, you asked me to be your sons godfather. The Rest... Raul, AJ, B-Diddy aka OG Bobby Johnson, Felipe aka Flipper, Jose Ramos aka Adrian Gonzales Brother, Jenny- thanks you are good people, Felipe aka Thoree, Carlo, Java aka Dj Khaled "we the best who weeeeeeee", Paco aka the Panch aka Francisco aka the Mexican Steve O, Strong Rick aka the Plummer, Arturo, Eder the whole Cobian Family, Young Steve, Big Pun, Elmer- the best thing you could have got was shot in Iraq, now you are home safe and dont have to go back, Walter, Stan- whats good little brotha, Gabe, Jason, David, the Rest of My Cousins Tony's Crew I may have missed , Dulce Gang- Mo and Memo- What up!, any girl I have ran threw this year thanks for the love. Iliana- what up girl, its not over its just Half-time baby and I am still in the game, Maribel- Thanks for being a nice humble girl, Alejandra- whats good, Maija- hey girl, Jeanette- you are a sweet woman, Brook- que onda, My Internet influences and the reason I do this, Dallas Penn- Whats up homie you are basically the reason I do this shit, Eskay- whats good now fix your ish so I can comment, Bol Crawford - even if with the constant faggotry,Fresh- Hey girl, Nathan over at thanks for giving my corner and I am going to try and go all in with the comedy this year at your spot, lets get this ish to crack homie, The Whole NahRight Collective and If I started to list names; I know damn right I would miss one of ya'll so I am not even going to do that but I want to thank all of you for making my workday go by faster and the endless stories, Belize- I can mention you homie, because it was before Nah and you're one of the original e-homies, Gringo aka No Mames Buey - whats up and thanks for always hooking it up.Patti-for the love. Everybody again Thanks and if I may have missed you I got you on the next e-drinks on Me. I honestly Considered throwing a party for this but I am about to go on a trip and I just couldnt make the money stretch that far, so next time. *blop blop blop* Shots In the Air, Cien!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

throwback Video of the day

The summer is just about officially over so why not have one last hoorah! Summer Bunnies it is. Wierd how they have Aaliyah in this video its probably right before Kells starting peeing on her(God bless the dead), I dont make this shit up I saw the tape. Well I used to like this song because The Spinners-Its a Shame is one of my favorite beats. Monie Love also sampled the beat and I think Lethal Bizzle.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Diana Goes on in!

Big up the homie D, who sent me this clip and told me I could post it. I cant begin to describe the admiration that I have for her. I wouldnt say Diana and I are close per se but we have a good relationship as far as male/female friendships go. Diana is a hardworking mother but the thing that I look up to is all the extra-curricular sh!t she is into teaching dance, surfing, running marathons, being a mother and I assume boning her husband is also part of her curriculum. Whatever the case besides being sexy(but I dont even look at her like that, Claudia her homie though is another story I would eat her ass and chocha until I tore an ACL) she is also in inspriration to your boy Fuxie and thats why I stay in touch; Our daughters are good friends so I guess that is another reason.

Anyways Diana keep doing you and I know you aspire to do something in entertainment and you better believe I got your back like reverse cowgirl. The only complaint I had on your tape was that in real life you are pretty funny and the tape didnt have enough of that. Cien!

Friday, September 07, 2007

Making it Rain, Killer Mike style!

Killer Mike is not only a dope MC but dude decides to share his secrets about his amazing ability to make it rain on them hoes. This shit is pretty funny. What would Jesus do(c) Killer Mike

Thursday, September 06, 2007

This week on my mind!

So whats good White Folks in the club with a mug. Word is bond I was chased by some pits(no Mike Vick) and I stopped and sang some James Brown "I am black and I am proud to them" them dogs in turn starting humping each other. Wierd shit I know, but I learned that from Shame aka Damon Wayans. If you dont know what I am talking about get your movie viewing game up. Word to Siskel and Ebert/Roeper or whatever them fuckas go by now days, they change their names more than often than Diddy. "Two Thumbs up" requires a disclaimer of sorts, sounds mad suspect for two grown ass men to say something is "two thumps up" how about a "double fist up"; Whoa forget I suggested that.

Kanye and Curtis leaked [||] this week. I like Kanye's album and I have had it on constant rotation but its not anywhere close to College Dropout in my Opinion; Champion and Goodlife being my early favorite cuts. Curtis I listened to a few times, the album is ok just about what I expected from ole Curt nothing ground breaking. I still suggest ya'll to go pick up both next week on GP. By the way if you never heard 50's album "Guess Whos Back" go pick that up because that was a classic-slept on album, just in case you want some old 50 type music and not this vitamin-watered down type ish he is dropping.

I want to also say T-Pain has an amazing talent and that is crafting infectious hooks and in turn become hit songs. I cant really front when I am in the club and I hear Bartender, Buy you a Drank, Im so Hood, Good life(possibly) or Shawty those are all bonafide club bangers that have one thing in common, thats T-Pain.

I dont know if you know that Travis Henry of the Broncos is the new-age Shawn Kemp, no he didnt get caught with crack and gain forty pounds in his bottocks[||]. But dude has 9 children with 9 different women, damn. Look I dont make this shit up I just pass the word to ya'll.

By the way how much does Shaq stand to lose now that he is getting divorced. Even with an Iron Clad pre-nup dude is going to lose something. Unless he can prove Shaunie's trainer was "working that ass out" literally maybe then he will only have to give up 20million. Who would even want to tap Shaunie after Shaq and 6 kids, that must feel like sticking your Unit in Bathtub, Nada.

Larry Craig trying to Bofo somebody in an airport restroom, now that ish is hilarious. I didnt know there was hand signals for Fag, I just go by how dudes talk. I am glad I just go into a public restroom to Piss and not Shit, I might have had to fock somebody up if there foot touched mine up from underneath a bathroom stall. That is severely homo and by the way if I am pissing in a stall next to you wait till I am done before starting a convo; It goes against my morals as a Nonfag-Man. If I was gay and flashed you that hand signal then go ahead and try to run your game for some head in a stall [||]. I wish I can just flash a hand signal to a woman and she would just jump right into sucking my unit. Wait a second I think that is called waving down a prostitute, I will pass. No I cant really mess with AIDS its not my thing, word to Magic. I once messed with a girl that was a bona-fide pro fortunately for me all I acquired was diarrhea, thanked the Pussy God for that one.

I heard Kellz got his trial postponed till 08. Damn who is his lawyer because that dude is on his grizzly. I am fascinated with this Kelly peeing on young chicks trial, not because I want to do that type of ish but because I want to see what is going to happen to him. The thought of pissing on a girl is quite funny,not in a misogynistic kind of way but like why would I want to do that; unless I was in a pool and wanted her to feel warm but that would be thoughtful of me.

I went to go see Barrington Levy last week and dude killed it. I have seen many a live concert before and Barrington impressed me, he really goes on in. He seems to be really enjoying what he is doing, his energy infectious and voice is very clear. Catch him if you can(c) Leonardo.

Ghostface is probably my next concert dude is in town in October, I have stated before that Ghostface is top5 dead or live on GP. His discography speaks for itself, almost no one else in hip-hop has been as consistent.

He has a little sugar in his tank, basically he is homosexual(c) Rick James ..... Wow is this hilarious, big up cMac!

Ohh I might be late but Owen Wilson one-half of the Wedding Crashers tried to Off himself. Whoa Hollywierd stays losing, I cant believe some of these idiots. How can you be so down on yourself that you try a heroin/poison cocktail and then slit your wrists. I dont even get stunned by any of this ish anymore. I cant wait for Amy Winehouse to be caught with a needle on her clit and her passed out almost dead. Dont get me wrong I dont wish death upon anyone, lets hope she gets caught in a semi-coherent state. Then Amy can get help and find Jesus, Word to Mike Vick.

Michael Jackson dropped this new scorcher Mamacita[||].Good to see him back doing his thing but does anybody believe him when he is singing to girls. Wacko stays losing. I cant front though in my top25 most played on the iPizzle I have like 5 Wacko tracks. Word to PYT, Human Nature, The Way you make me Feel, Rock with you, etc.

On that note, I am Cien catch ya'll next week!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007!

Shoutout to these dudes who stay doing some innovative funny skits. Homie asked me to post so here it is. These are the same dudes that brought you the UPS is hiring skit, Cien!